Caroline & 'Doom & Gloom'

By: Jana~

 

 

Chapter Three

 

 

*****~*****

--"Wait a minute, wait a minute…" Annie's voice was loud and authoritative, and Caroline just knew a lecture was coming… "You broke up with him cause he said he didn't want kids?!"

Caroline nodded as she continued to bury her face in the pillows on her couch…

"Caroline, I love you but are you ever an idiot! What is the matter with you?! Guys never say they want kids! They are programmed that way! Eventually, if sex evolves into a relationship and that evolves into marriage… kids'll just happen! You just… get pregnant… the guy'll come around!"

"Trick him?" Caroline asked as she lifted her tear-stained face to look at her friend… "I could never trick a guy--"

"Not trick! I'm not saying you get pregnant and hook him into marrying you! I'm talking about after marriage! And then 'ooops, sorry honey, my diaphragm must've failed'!"

"So, in other words, trick him."

Annie sighed… "It's not considered tricking when you're already married! Sheeeesh! You are such a goody-goody! Snow White's got nothing on you!"

"Annie…" Caroline whined softly… "I'm not in the mood for your insults right now, ok?" She drug her body off the couch and headed for the kitchen…

"Sorry… I'm just worried about you… is all. I've never seen you as happy with a guy… and I'm afraid you've thrown it all away for no good reason."

"I had a good reason! He doesn’t want kids! That would be like you dating a guy who never wanted sex! Eventually, you would end up breaking it off, cause you wouldn't want to live forever without ever having sex!"

Annie scoffed… "Caroline, please, once the guy saw me naked, he'd want to have sex with me!"

Caroline chuckled… "So sure are you."

"It's called confidence! You should try getting some!"

"I have confidence!"

"In some areas, maybe…" she entered the kitchen and put her arm around Caroline… "Look, you like this guy, right?"

"I love him, Annie."

"Then worry about the kids issue later! He'll come around! If he loves you… loves you enough to marry you, if and when you announce that you're pregnant, he'll be thrilled!"

"I just-- I just don’t know…"

*****~*****

--"Richard! You and Caroline broke up?!" Del asked as he approached without so much as even a 'hello', Richard the only person left in the company lunchroom…

"Hello to you too." Richard murmured in response…

Del rolled his eyes… "Hello. You and Caroline broke up?!"

"I heard the inappropriate question the first time…"

"I thought you guys were 'gaga' for each other!"

"I'm not having this conversation with you Del…" Richard opened a nearby newspaper as he sat down at one of the empty tables, as if to impress the point… "How'd you even find out so fast?"

"Annie." was Del's reply… "Look, I know we're not exactly friends, but, Caroline means a lot to me… she's really upset."

"She broke up with me."

"Why?"

"She wants kids and I don’t."

He seemed shocked… "Kids?! Now?!"

"No," Richard clarified… "Later. If we were to ever get married, she wants to be a mom."

"Ok…?" Del gestured for him to elaborate…

"And I don’t want to be a dad. So, I'm sure even you can see the dilemma."

"You're engaged?"

Richard looked up from the paper he was pretending to read… "No."

"She doesn’t want the kids now?"

"No, she said after she got married…"

"Immediately?"

"No."

"So, she said she wanted kids, then what did you say?"

"That I didn’t want kids."

"Then what did she say?"

"Del, what part of 'I don’t want to have this conversation with you' did you not understand?"

"Stop being such a snob and answer the question!"

Richard exhaled sharply, wanting it known that he was not happy about continuing the conversation… "She said she couldn’t continue to date someone who didn’t want the same things…"

"So? Then what?"

"That was it. She broke it off."

"Why didn’t you just tell her that kids would be fine?!"

"What?"

Del sighed, exasperated… "Why didn’t you just tell her that later on, after marriage, kids is fine by you!?"

"You are suggesting I should've lied?"

"Not lie… just, embellish." When Richard rolled his eyes and dropped the paper, Del rushed on… "Look, Richard, who's to say what the future holds! You may like the idea of kids later on! And if you don't, well, by then it'll be too late."

"Too late?"

"Yeah! Caroline will already be committed to you!"

"Lovely…" Richard muttered sarcastically… "This has been enlightening, and a little bit frightening, but now I must go."

*****~*****

--"Caroline…" Annie scolded… "You have to snap out of this! It's been 3 days since you broke up with Richard and you have barely moved from that spot on the couch! Your strip is suffering! And I'm running out of busy work."

"I can't think of anything funny to put in the strip…" Caroline mumbled as she ate cookie dough straight from the store-bought tube… "And I'm pretty sure the fans don’t wanna read about my woes."

"Woes…" Annie chuckled softly to herself, finding her friend and boss' choice of words amusing… "You know what you need?"

"Richard." She replied without hesitation…

"No, you need to go out on the town!"

Caroline moaned… "I don’t want to go out. I want Richard back."

"So, call him!"

"I can't! I know this will end in heartache, Annie! I can't put either of us through that!"

"Seems like you're going through that now…"

"It'll be worse later."

"So you keep saying." Annie stood from the desk and headed for the kitchen to grab a bottle of water… "Do you need me to stick around?"

"No…" Caroline replied… "I'm definitely not feeling creative."

"Ok, but do you want me to stay with you for company? I will ya'know."

"No. I just want to be alone. You can go."

"You're sure?"

"Yes. Go."

Annie wasted no time heading out the door…

*****~*****

--Richard hadn't planned on answering the door… he just wanted to be alone. But when the knocking wouldn't stop, and a peek through the peep-hole showed him the familiar short brunette, the fact that it was Annie urged him to make an exception.

"What?" he asked as he opened the door, turning his back on Annie as he walked back in to his apartment…

"I wanted to talk to you." she replied, stepping in and looking around… "Del needs to pay you more." she added as she wrinkled her nose at his meager possessions and poor housing…

"Is that what you wanted to talk to me about? My wages?"

"No, you putz. I came to talk to you about Caroline."

"Ever hear of privacy?"

"Ever hear of heartache!?"

"I'm no stranger to it…" he sighed…

"She's in pain… if you care at all for her--"

"I love her!" he interrupted… "She broke up with me, Annie!"

"I know. And I know her whole 'marriage and family' thing can be a little… extreme, but, ya'know, if you really do love her, you should be willing to at least consider children!"

"It works both ways ya'know. If she really loves me, she should be willing to at least talk about why I don’t want kids!"

He had a point, and she sighed, her stance becoming less combative… "Look, Richie…"

"Richard." He corrected…

"Whatever, I see your point… I do, but, Caroline is my top concern right now. And right now she is in tears… unable to do her job… stuffing her face with raw cookie dough and taking up permanent residence on the sofa."

"You think this has been a walk in the park for me?! I honestly thought she was the woman I would be spending the rest of my life with! And she just tosses me aside cause I don’t want kids!"

"Ok, ok… I'm obviously not gonna get anywhere talking to you about this, so I'll just go."

"Good idea."

"But I'll leave you with one final thought…" she added as she stood in the doorway… "If you were an impartial observer in this, which would you see as the bigger sacrifice: Wanting kids all your life and being denied? Or not wanting kids, but having a couple anyway?"

She turned and walked away, giving him no chance to respond… not that he was planning to. He didn’t know how to respond to what she had said… but her statement did its job… it gave him something to think about.

*****~*****

--Caroline looked around her, the soft knocking on the door waking her from her depression-induced sleep. Rubbing at her eyes with the hope of becoming more lucid, she crawled off the couch and headed for the door. Normally, she would look through the peephole first, but she was a bit too dazed to give it thought.

Richard stood before her as the door swung open, the idea that he was a dream leaving her mind rather quickly as the reality sunk in… he was really there…

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her tone of voice suggesting she was upset…

His expression showed hurt only briefly, changing a second later to a colder, more distant look… "I'm not sure why I'm here…" he lied, wanting to just say 'never mind' and walk away…

"Did you want to come in?" Her voice was softer, more compassionate and tender… he nodded while avoiding eye contact. "Come in." she instructed, standing aside…

Taking only a few steps inside, he froze when he heard the door click shut. He didn't know what to say… how to act… it had only been a few weeks, but he felt like he had no right to be there… almost as if he had never been there…

He felt her presence behind him, her stare boring into his back… he had to say something…

"I was-- I wanted to… talk to you…"

"About?" she asked as she moved to face him…

"Us."

"Is there an 'us'?"

"There was once…"

"I am aware of that Richard, but didn’t we say all there was to say? What else is there?"

He sighed heavily… she was not going to make it easy on him… "Could I maybe have a cup of coffee?"

She just looked at him for a moment, and he thought briefly that she might turn him down and send him away…

"I don’t have any made…" she finally informed… "I have wine?"

"Wine would be great."

She gestured for him to sit, then got out a bottle of wine and 2 glasses, joining him on the couch… "So, you wanted to talk… you start."

He poured the wine, took a healthy swig, refilled it to the top, took another large swig, then topped it off again… "You sorta sprung the whole 'baby thing' on me Caroline. I- I knew you wanted an answer, and, so I answered you truthfully. I have never seen myself as a father. I had a very rough childhood, with no real father-figure in my life, so, how could I see myself as a father?"

"I'm sorry you had such a rough childhood--"

"I'm not looking for sympathy, Caroline. I'm just… I'm trying to explain--" He paused, taking another drink of wine before continuing… "The bottom line, Caroline, is this: I love you. No matter what else, I love you. And, when you love someone, you want them to be happy." He took a deep, shaky breath, then looked into her eyes… "I want you to be happy… and if having children will make you happy, then… we will have as many children as you want."

She started to smile, but it soon faded… "I don’t want to force you into having children, Richard."

"You're not forcing me."

She looked away, wringing her hands… "I appreciate the gesture, but this isn't what I want."

"What isn't what you want? Kids?"

"No, of course I want kids…"

"Then what? What do you want from me?"

"I--" she suddenly felt her voice leave her, but she willed it to return… "I want you to want kids."

He sighed… "So, it's not enough that I'm willing to have children, I have to WANT to have children?"

"I don’t want you to resent me or the children later in life. If you feel forced into it… you will."

"I just can't win with you." He snipped, irritated…

"This is hard for me, Richard, and you're not making it any easier."

"I don’t want to make it easy for you to end this, cause I don’t want it to end!"

"I don’t see how it can continue. You-- you just don’t understand…"

"Then help me! Help me understand!"

She felt the tears coming, and she stood and moved away from the couch, not wanting him to see her cry… "If you don’t want kids, it means you don’t truly love me."

He was shocked by her explanation… "What?!"

"Wanting kids is a sign of true love."

"Says who?!"

"My Mom… for one."

Standing abruptly he went to her, taking her hand and leading her back to the couch… "Look, Caroline, we have only been dating a few months, though it seems like I've known you all my life. In that short amount of time, I have fallen in love with you… and then I come here to tell you that I'm willing to dismiss all my concerns about being a father and, later on, have children with you. Do you honestly think someone who DIDN’T love you would do that?"

She just shrugged…

"And, who knows, after time… after marriage… don’t you think it's possible that I may change my mind and decide the idea of children thrills me?"

"Is it possible? That you could change that much?"

"With you by my side, I would be willing to believe anything is possible."

He initiated the hug… and the kiss that followed, but she didn’t resist. On the contrary, she returned his affections vehemently. When it was obvious where their kisses, caresses, and gropings were headed, Caroline pulled away…

"Richard… wait."

"What?"

"I'm--" she stopped, and searched his eyes for a moment…

"You're…?"

"Richard, I'm pregnant."

 

TO BE CONTINUED

 

Thanks for reading!