The One With The Bathroom Door
By: Jana~
Chapter Seven
*****~*****
--"They're never gonna tell us!" Rachel complained as she, Phoebe, and Ross sat around leisurely at Central Perk… "I say we just tell them we know!"
"No! We can't!" Phoebe replied adamantly… "I promised Joey we wouldn't!"
Rachel groaned in response… "But it's driving me nuts!"
"Not a far drive…" Ross joked as he half read his paper, half listened in on their conversation…
Rachel glared jokingly at his wisecrack, then turned back to Phoebe… "C'mon Pheebs, you're good at getting the truth out of people. How can we get Chandler and Monica to fess up?"
"Well…" Phoebe thought for a moment… "I could always slip some sodium pentathol into their coffee."
Ross looked up abruptly… "Truth serum?" he asked with a note of concern…
Rachel looked to Phoebe, then to Ross, then back to Phoebe again… "What?" Rachel's tone sounded just as concerned…
Phoebe closed her eyes for a moment, shaking her head… realizing just a bit too late that she had said too much. She grabbed her stuff off the couch… "Gotta go." Without looking back she headed out the door…
Rachel and Ross shared looks…
"Y'know, she can be a bit…" he hesitated… "Scary… sometimes…"
Rachel nodded in agreement.
*****
--"I'm telling you…" Monica told Chandler confidently… "I think they're on to us."
He shook his head… "Then why haven't they said anything?"
"I don’t know…" she admitted… "But, I know Rachel and Phoebe…" she added… "And I know they know."
"Then, why don’t we just be out with it already? Why keep sneaking around?"
"I don’t want to tell everyone yet cause I just know they'll try to meddle in our relationship."
He shrugged… "Ok…"
"Plus, for some as-of-yet unknown reason, they haven't told us they know."
Chandler looked at her inquisitively… "Well, then, maybe they don’t know."
She scoffed… "Oh, they know. Believe me they know…" her expression turned serious… "They're up to something!"
"What?"
"That's the only explanation!"
"No, there's one other…" She looked to him to continue… "Maybe they don’t know!"
She dismissed him… "They know. I know they know. And if they know me at all, then they know that I know that they know."
"The word 'know' is starting to lose all meaning…" Chandler joked…
Monica ignored his quip… "We have to figure out what they're up to."
"Why?"
"Because! We can't let them win!"
"Win?" he repeated… "Since when is this a contest?"
"Since I deemed it one!"
He chuckled and shook his head… "You are way too competitive." When he caught the angry look directed at him, he wiped the smile from his face… "One might say!" he tried to cover… "Where as I think you are just the perfect amount of competitive."
She rolled her eyes… "Nice save."
"Thank you!" He tried to get affectionate with her, but she shrugged him away…
"Are you gonna help or not?"
He tossed his hands in the air… "Fine. Looks like 'pokin the love muffin' is out anyway…"
Monica glared… "And if you ever call it that again, it'll be 'out' for a while."
*****
--"OK… I have a plan…" Phoebe announced as she plopped down on the couch next to Rachel, looking around to see if she could spot Chandler or Monica. Once she realized the coast was clear, she continued… "We slip just a little bit of this in their coffee and they'll be spouting the truth about everything…" She pulled a small brown glass bottle from her purse and handed it to Rachel for inspection…
"What is this?"
Phoebe smiled proudly… "Truth Serum."
Rachel handed the bottle back to her quickly… "I don’t know Pheebs. Isn't slipping someone drugs against the law?" She knew it was, but was trying to get Phoebe to see how dangerous her plan was…
"Only if you're trying to hurt them!" she scoffed… "I'm just gonna slip enough to get the truth. I say we give it to Chandler. Get him alone and slip it to him. He'd be easier to crack."
"I still don’t know…" Rachel whined… "Seems illegal…"
"You are such a goody-goody!" Phoebe started to stand to leave, but Rachel stopped her…
"Hey! I'm not a goody-goody! I just… I don’t want to see one of our friends get hurt!"
"He's not gonna get hurt! It's truth serum, not arsenic!"
"How'd you even get that anyway?" Rachel asked curiously, changing the subject…
"Better if you don’t know…" Phoebe informed sotto…
"And besides, doesn't that stuff kinda make you all loopy? And then, you can't really remember anything you've said after the fact, right? So, how is that gonna get them to fess up? He'll tell us stuff while loopy, but he'll never remember that he did!"
Phoebe shook her head… "We get him alone, slip him the serum, then we ask the question when everyone else is here. Monica will yell at Chandler for spilling it, they'll admit everything, then he'll shake off the serum later and never even remember what happened!" Phoebe grinned… "It's the perfect plan!"
"Alright, alright…" Rachel caved… "But you're sure you know how much to give him?"
"Will you just relax! I know what I'm doing."
*****
--"Ok…" Phoebe whispered to Rachel… "You keep Monica busy while I slip Chandler the stuff…"
Rachel still seemed reluctant… "Ok…" she agreed, her expression anxious… "Just-- Please be careful."
--Rachel approached Monica, making up some lame problem she wanted her advice on so that Phoebe could have Chandler alone…
"Huh…" Phoebe wrinkled her nose, looking into her cup of coffee with an odd expression…
"What?" Chandler asked curiously…
"I think something is wrong with this coffee…" she replied, holding the cup out to him… "Take a sip and tell me if you think something's wrong with it…"
He squinted slightly at the odd request, then took the cup from her and smelled it before sipping it… "Tastes fine to me Pheebs…"
"Huh. Must just be me then…" she reached for the mug… "I'll just go get another cup…"
"Well, don’t waste it." He pulled the cup away from her… "I'll drink it. It tastes fine to me…"
Phoebe immediately became anxious… "No!" she forced her expression to calm when he looked questioningly about her outburst… "No, uh, well, see, cause…" she stammered… "If there is something wrong, I wouldn't want you to get sick." She tried to reach for the cup again, but he kept it and looked into it, smelling it again…
"I really think it's ok, Pheebs." He took another healthy gulp… "See? It's fine."
Phoebe was about to become frantic. She'd only meant for him to take a sip. If he drank the whole cup of coffee, he'd get too much of the truth serum, then he might become ill…
"Chandler!" she shouted, startling him away from taking another drink… "What's that over there?!" She asked loudly, pointing out the door…
When he followed her pointing finger with his eyes, she knocked the mug of coffee out of his hand…
He jumped up as some of the hot liquid splashed him… "Phoebe! What are you doing?"
"Sorry…" she apologized… "It was an accident…"
He was about to question her as to how it could be an accident when she began picking up the broken pieces of ceramic mug…
"You better go dab that off or it'll stain…"
He just looked at her, baffled for a moment, then got up and headed for the bathroom… Monica followed and Rachel approached Phoebe…
--"What happened?" Rachel asked, helping Phoebe to clean up the mess…
"He was gonna drink the whole mug's worth of coffee!" she whispered urgently… "That would've been way too much!"
"Phoebe!" Rachel scolded in a whisper… "I told you to be careful!"
"I thought I was!"
Just then Gunther approached with a wet rag and a small trash can…
"I got it…" he told them, taking over the job of cleaning…
--"What happened?" Monica asked as she dabbed off Chandler's shirt with wet paper towels…
"Phoebe being Phoebe. She asked me to taste her coffee cause she thought something was wrong with it. But, she got all weird when I told her it was fine and that I'd finish it for her." He tossed some wadded paper towels in the trash… "I'm pretty sure she hit the cup out of my hand on purpose."
"Why would she do that?"
"Got me."
There was a knock then a stranger's voice followed… "Can you guys hurry up?"
Monica sighed, annoyed… "Keep your pants on!"
Chandler laughed… "We'll be right out…" He leaned in to Monica… "You realize, he probably thinks we're in here having sex…"
She blushed… "Great…"
--"Hey guys…" Ross entered Central Perk… "Where is everyone?"
"Chandler and Monica are in the bathroom…" Phoebe replied…
"Together?" he asked… "Are they 'out' about being together?"
"Not yet…" Rachel shook her head… "We're hoping they will be in a few though…"
"Why? What's in a few?" he asked curiously…
Phoebe elbowed Rachel… "Nothing."
Ross eyed them warily… "What are you guys up to?"
"Hey guys!" Joey greeted as he entered the coffeehouse… "What's up?"
"Nothing!" Phoebe snapped, confusing Joey…
"Geez! Fine! Sor-ry!"
Monica and Chandler entered from the back, joining their friends…
--There was several minutes of small talk before Chandler started to feel 'weird'…
"Chandler? What's wrong?" Phoebe asked, noticing he seemed almost sleepy… everyone looked to him…
"I don’t know. I feel… weird…" his words were slightly slurred…
Monica turned to him, concerned… "You look funny…"
"Thanks. You look beautiful." he replied…
Monica became uncomfortable over that statement, Phoebe and Rachel smiled at each other, Joey looked shocked, and Ross looked at everyone else to see what their reactions were…
Phoebe nodded at Rachel, then turned to Chandler… "Hey, Chandler, what's your middle name?"
"Muriel." he answered without even giving it thought…
Monica gasped in shock… why had he admitted that to them? It took them three weeks of dating before he told her his middle name…
Chandler's eyes began to shift and glaze over…
"Chandler?" Monica bolted upright… she knew something was very wrong…
"Monica? I don’t feel so good…" Chandler leaned into her…
"Something's not right here!" Monica shouted… "Someone call an ambulance!"
Rachel jumped up and immediately, tears pooled in her eyes. Phoebe also jumped up, cursing herself and frantically trying to decide if she should tell them about the truth serum she slipped him.
Joey jumped from his seat as did Ross, and they both helped Monica lay Chandler out on the couch…
"I feel like I need to puke…" Chandler slurred, fidgeting uncomfortably…
Gunther ran over with a trash can… "The ambulance is on the way…" He handed the wastepaper basket to Monica who placed it beside the couch…
"Turn if you have to puke…" she instructed him… almost immediately, he did.
"We have to tell them!" Rachel whispered to Phoebe, who just nodded…
"Not yet. We'll tell the paramedics."
--The paramedics arrived and buzzed about as they tended to Chandler, all the while Rachel silently questioning Phoebe with a stern look about when they should tell them about the drug. Phoebe just kept nodding…
"Does Mr. Bing take medications?" one paramedic asked…
They all shook their head 'no' except Phoebe and Rachel…
"Has he had any alcohol today? Or… drugs?"
Again, everyone replied in the negative, except Phoebe and Rachel…
Rachel elbowed Phoebe…
"I think he may have unknowingly…" Phoebe finally spoke up… everyone looked at her. She took the bottle out of her purse and handed it to the paramedic nearest her… "I didn’t mean to hurt him. I love him dearly! He's one of my dearest friends!"
All the friends looked at Phoebe for answers as the paramedic wrote the information off the bottle…
"Sodium Pentathol…" the medic informed his colleagues…
Rachel covered her face in her hands, crying…
"Phoebe!" Ross snapped… "I thought you were kidding about that!"
"You knew?" Monica asked her brother…
"She said it in passing! I thought she was joking!" he answered his sister, then turned to Phoebe again… "How could you!?"
"Why DID you?!" Monica shouted…
"We just wanted him to tell us the truth…" Phoebe answered remorsefully…
"About what?!"
"About you and him…" Phoebe left the answer there, and Monica knew immediately what she meant…
"I can't believe you Phoebe!" Ross barked… "Were you in on this too?" he asked Rachel…
She nodded, barely able to speak through her tears…
"But she kept telling me it was a bad idea…" Phoebe defended Rachel…
"We'll have to pump his stomach…" the medic explained… "At the hospital they will…"
"Please believe me…" Phoebe cried… "I didn’t mean for this to happen…"
"It doesn’t matter what you meant to happen!" Monica criticized… "You had no business drugging him!"
--They took Chandler to the hospital and pumped his stomach, all his friends there… even though Phoebe was treated as an outcast. Except for Rachel, no one was ready to forgive her just yet.
Chandler was kept overnight for observation, then released… no permanent damage done. Phoebe kept herself scarce for the next week, feeling horrible about the 'incident', as it became known as.
Even Joey was giving her the silent treatment… she had gone to Central Perk to grab some coffee after dropping flowers off at Chandler's door outside, not being brave enough to knock, and Joey had entered the coffeehouse, seen her, and left immediately.
Rachel called her a few times, apologizing for the mess that was caused, but Phoebe didn’t blame Rachel. Rachel had tried to be the voice of reason… no, she and she alone was guilty of hurting Chandler… and she took the sentence of being shunned willingly.
--When Chandler had called her, Phoebe seriously thought about NOT going over to see him… but he sounded sincere in his request that she pay him a visit.
Hesitantly, she knocked on his door, and he answered almost immediately, already being near the door because he was practicing his foosball…
"Hey Pheebs…" he greeted her warmly…
"Hey Chandler. How are you feeling?"
He gestured for her to enter… "Oh, fine. How are you? Haven't seen much of you lately…"
"I thought it better if I kept my distance… seeing as how I almost killed you."
He chuckled… "Doubtful. I wouldn't have died Pheebs…" He grabbed himself a beer, then grabbed her a bottle of water, handing it to her, which she took.
"I can't apologize enough, Chandler…" she was on the verge of tears… "I am so, so, so sorry…"
He shook his head… "I know. You didn't mean for me to have that much of it, did you?"
She questioned him with her eyes…
"The drug was in that coffee that you knocked out of my hand, right?"
She nodded.
He smiled and hugged her… "Next time we have something we are keeping from you… respect our privacy, huh?"
She nodded… "I will." She hugged him for a moment… "Everyone hates me."
"They'll come around…" he whispered… "I'm the one you drugged. If I can forgive you, so can they."
She pulled back and smiled, wiping her tears from her face… "You're the greatest, you know that?"
"I know…" he gloated, then laughed… "Let's go across the hall…" he suggested… "Everyone's there…"
"They won't want me there."
"I want you there."
She smiled… "Ok."
THE END
Thanks for reading!